I wish i was in the wii world.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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