he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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