I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
