looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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