sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
