our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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