Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
