captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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