being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
