Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
