if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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