His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
