No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
