Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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