well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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