Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
