I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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