i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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