just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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