Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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