I hate all girls vehemently.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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