Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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