I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize