You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
