Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
