youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
