the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
