I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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