He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
where are my eyebrows?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
