sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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