drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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