I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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