why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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