if only i could text you this smell
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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