just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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