I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
