hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize