singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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