Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
