did you get engaged???
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
