I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i will never coherently bang her
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
