I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
