But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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