Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
