id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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