tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
