it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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