mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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