All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
