Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When are your genitals available?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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