i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
