It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
