Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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