my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
