i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
