I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
