It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
