Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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