my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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