she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
