Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
