Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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