I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
