Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
