So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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