omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
