They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
