I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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