So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ugly people sure do ruin things
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
