watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
